So there I was, standing in line at Harmons in St. George, minding my own business.

I was looking over the deli menu and trying to figure out what family pack of chicken I was going to order, and then eat half of before I got home. 

The Scene Of The Crime. Harmon's St. George
The Scene Of The Crime. Harmon's St. George

That’s when my train of thought was interrupted by one simple sentence.

“You Suck Dude.”

You Suck GIF - Sucks - Discover & Share GIFs

My first thought was…”DAD?” But when I spun around to see who said it, all I saw was the back of someone’s head walking away from me.

Now I am not a combative man. I am not very easily provoked. But I found myself in a very strange situation. I was wondering a few different things.

  1. Was this a joke?
  2. Do I know this person?
  3. Why do I suck?

To that third point, I can probably give lots of reasons. I mean, I know EXACTLY why I suck. But I wanted to know why THAT guy thought I sucked.

At this point I probably should have shouted something, but I was so genuinely stunned I had nothing to say.

Besides, I wanted some chicken strips, and I wasn’t about to give up my place in line just to go running around a grocery store asking a stranger why he thinks I'm a piece of crap.

As I drove away, I reached into the bag of food that was supposed to be for my family, and I stress ate several chicken strips and potato wedges. All the while thinking–

Confused Mark Wahlberg Confused GIF - Confused Mark Wahlberg Mark Wahlberg Confused - Discover & Share GIFs
Me, thinking of all the ways I suck

“why does that guy think I suck?”

So if you were that guy who came up to me to say something mean, please don’t tell me why you think I suck. Instead, I would like to just tell myself what my mother told me to think in situations like this.

"You are clearly just jealous because I am a handsome special boy, and the fact that I smell like onions is purely a hormone disorder that I have no control over.”

Anyway, thanks for the feedback. Next time just be a little more descriptive.

Or don’t.

XOXO, Mikey


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