My Wife Is Out Of Town And I Don’t Know How To Mom
Ask any modern husband “Who does most of the work around the house?” and they will say “it’s about 50/50.”
That husband is either lying, or he has never asked his wife about it.
I’ve said “it’s 50/50” and thought I was telling the truth. I was WAAAAAAY off.
My wife is the glue that holds our family and sanity together. She handles the finances, the home, the bulk of the cleaning and shopping, keeps track of the kids and school, drives them around, AND she works with me every morning to put on the Mikey & The Mrs Show. In other words, she's the BEST.
So when she left town to visit family for a few days, I became painfully aware of the things I've been ignoring.
Here is a list of eye-opening experiences I've had while my wife was out of town.
- "Your socks don't go there" needs to be repeated much more often than you'd think.
- I Had to explain to my young daughter that “because the actor is hot” is not a valid reason for me to let her watch a R-rated movie.
- Math homework is harder than you remember it.
- I now know more about ONE DIRECTION than any 43 year old man should.
- One kid could not find her shoe. This triggered a mental breakdown that I haven't seen since THE SHINING.
- I can't even order a burrito at Costa Vida without texting my wife a question about it.
- I Had to explain to my kid that microwave popcorn is not breakfast.
- With my wife gone, I could watch whatever I want. I was lost. I just flipped through the Netflix menu for an hour and fell asleep.
- I found the dog doesn't like me that much. She is only around me when I'm around my wife. Man's best friend my butt.
- I tried to style my daughter's hair, and now her teacher probably thinks we're homeless.
- I Showed my kid the new Indiana Jones Trailer. He said “who’s Indiana Jones?” I then started googling nursing homes in St. George.
- My teen daughter asked me if she should respond to a 26 year old guy on the internet. No. No you should not. And we should be Amish now.
- Kids need to be driven everywhere, all the time, and have to be picked up afterwards. It's the worst. No wonder people complain about gas prices. It's like being an Uber driver without the tips or the drunk celebrities.
Moral of the story: 50/50 is harder than you might think. Talk about it with your partner. If he/she is struggling, find a way to lighten their load.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some "How to style girls hair" videos to watch on YouTube.