Utah Needs To Bring Back The Neckbeard
Hey buddy. Are you on the lookout for the next big thing?
A few months ago I was at the St. George Target, and the dresses looked as if they came out of an episode of Little House On The Prairie.
So keeping this in mind, there's one fashion that we're neglecting, and I think it's time it had a comeback.
Of course I'm talking about THE NECKBEARD.
In the 1860s, the neckbeard was all the rage. And no one rocked the neckbeard as well as Utah Pioneers.
Case in point: BRIGHAM YOUNG. When he was a strapping young clean shaven youth, Brigham didn't have any game. However it's worth noting that once he grew a neck beard, the number of wives he had grew exponentially. Coincidence? I think not.
Check out this dream boat, George Q. Cannon. I bet the ladies were constantly giggling while tickling his chin down at the ZCMI.
John Taylor looks like he had some experimenting to do before he finally landed on the perfect neck beard. When he was younger, he clearly overshaved, but in later years he grew the perfect amount of beautiful snowy collar candy.
Heber c. Kimball has a clear and obvious glow up here. The guy on the left could barely get a woman to let him buy her a sack of barley, but the guy on the right probably had no trouble whatsoever.
Of course it wasn't just Utah who got in on the act. Horace Greeley, failed presidential candidate and founder of the New York Times, went a different way with it. Instead of the thick bushy underbrush of the West, he opted for the long straggly under-beard.
At least I think it's an under-beard. It could be very long chest hair that found its way through his collar. Either way it's...breathtaking.
So really, what are you waiting for? I say it's time to bring back the neck beard. I would do it myself, but I can't grow facial hair to save my life. But you probably could. Who's with me?! Let's do this!
Oh wow. Wow. Okay. All right. Never mind. I'm sorry I brought it up. Just go back to whatever you were doing.