Your Favorite Christmas Songs Re-Written By Boring Lawyers
Lawyers are not known for having an over-abundance of personality.
Well, okay not ALL Lawyers. Not the ones who ride motorcycles through walls and hit things with baseball bats on daytime tv commercials. Those guys are awesome.
No, I'm talking about your usual, run-of-the-mill corporate lawyer who gave up on his dreams at the age of 10, and set out to make daddy proud. That guy. That guy is the worst.
One of the biggest reasons why Lawyers are paid so darn much is because they can take just about anything fun and make into something boring.
The only other people with this amazing talent are church leaders, insurance agents, and your wife showing you what she got on sale at TJ Maxx.
I remember when I had a lawyer, I felt like every document I got from him needed a decoder ring just to figure out what the heck he was talking about.
For example, instead of saying something like "Mikey will pay X amount to fix the porta-potty he blew up", it would say "The Defendant agrees to pay the following amount not more or less but equal to the amount agreed upon in the proceeding documents of the blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaah."
I paid this dude HUNDREDS of dollars AN HOUR to write stuff like this. It makes them sound smarter, and by extension makes you sound smarter, and that's what they went to school for.
Below are a bunch of your favorite Christmas songs, re-written the way a lawyer would do it. We didn't get a real lawyer, because that would have cost us at least 10 Grand.