“It’s A Giant Ditch.” Unimpressed Utah National Park Reviews
When you look at reviews of the national parks, you expect to see glowing reviews by people wowed by the majesty and beauty of nature. However, some people are much harder to impress.
Below is a collection of national park reviews by people who seemed to be expecting much more from mother nature.
Arches National Park: “Looks nothing like the license plate.”
“More arches, please. Honestly, I thought there’d be more arches. Like, arches as far as the eye could see. It’s called ARCHES National Park. Are there formations as far as the eye can see? Sure. But then call it Formations National Park. Or A Few Arches Scattered Over Thousands Of Acres National Park. Don’t come expecting every arch to look like the one on the license plate, because it’s one of the few that’s impressive. This place gets one star because the name is seriously misleading.”
Bryce Canyon National Park: “We left Zion early to make sure we saw Bryce- that was a mistake. Bryce is not nearly as interesting or spectacular. At Bryce, you feel like you are seeing the same rocks from 20 different angles.”
Capitol Reef National Park: “Somewhat bland.”
“There is almost nothing fun in the park. Can an elementary school closed in the 1940s be labeled as a place of interest? Are a couple of small paintings on the rock considered an attraction? The creek is completely dried up, and a few extremely boring trails that can only be accessed by driving through 10+ miles of unpaved road. BTW, the roads are so narrow that you need to drive with great caution to avoid hitting other cars.”
Grand Canyon National Park: “A hole. A very, very large hole.”
“It’s a giant ditch. When do we find out that it’s truthfully an old-time excavation project from thousands of years ago?”
“Whoopity do; Grand Canyon. You are a giant hole in the ground. You were caused by erosion. You don’t have roller coasters or dippin’ dots. Jeeesh. Can you say overrated.”
“Worst trip of my life. I went there thinking I would have a good time. Instead, I lost my pants, and it was too deep.”
“Look, don’t get me wrong, the views were ok. However, I just find it unacceptable that in this day and age, Wi-Fi was non-existent. I had lots of good photos but was unable to Snapchat them!”
Zion National Park: “Scenery is distant and impersonal.”
“Never again. Perfect if you are either a dedicated hiker or a family stroller. Paved walkways and short “trails” for the latter set, and cross-country all-day hikes for the former. Scenery is grand and huge and up in the air and distant and impersonal. I got bored fast, and the 109-degree heat didn’t help in the least. East of the tunnel the sandstone scenery is much more dramatic, but the turnouts are small and feel dangerous if you have young kids. Inside the park we ate at the sit-down restaurant. Salmon cakes were good. The taco bar incredibly boring but may be suited for kids. It looked like more interesting food was in the town. Avoid Zion and head to Bryce if you want more moderate hikes (3 hours) with far more intimate and still grand scenery no matter which way you look or how close or distant your gaze.”
There you have it. Some hilariously less-than-impressed reviews of some of Utah’s national parks.